My lawyer was telling me about the Austin bankruptcy laws.  He was outlining my choices.  I wasn't listening.  I was just listening to the voice in my head screaming that I shouldn't do it, shouldn't file.  I know that sometimes people have no choice.  I was at that point.  My rational brain knew that, but the fighter in me didn't.   When my lawyer finished, I just nodded and said that I had to go home and think about a few things.  I didn't go home.  I stopped at the house and packed a few things and headed north.  I was going home home.  I was going home to go fishing.  I needed some time to think.  I dug out my old fishing pole and tossed it in the trunk.  Then I started to drive.  It was a full day before I got home.  I left the interstate, went up the two lane and then into town.  I was shocked.  I hadn't been home in ten years or better.  Whole blocks were gone.  But a lot of familiar things were there.  I saw some people I knew.  I pulled over and started talking.   At once I felt I knew what I should do.  I was too long gone from what I knew best.  I had to decide what to do, and then I had to get back to what I knew.